after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
