Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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