You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
