I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
