is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
