I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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