he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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