I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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