If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
