All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
