I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
