He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
