so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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