This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
