I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
handjob tips. give me some.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
