I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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