So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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