I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
