so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
