thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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