Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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