I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
