One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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