If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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