Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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