she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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