So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
