My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
