Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
