All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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