So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
