Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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