this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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