My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
