when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
