he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
