but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
