Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
