So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
