i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
