I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
