Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize