Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
