It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
