It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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