I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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