I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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