I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
