I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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