my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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