you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
