you guys were way drunker than both of me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize