From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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