that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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