How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
