Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
