Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
