I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need a beard to bite.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
