there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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