In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
