that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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