If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
