Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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