I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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