Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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