Your face is a jimmy john
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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