No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
