dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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