naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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