airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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